I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
