It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Randomize
