But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
