So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
