got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
