Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize