I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
