Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
