Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
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so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
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And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
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