he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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