12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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