I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
