tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
