Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
