I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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