3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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