Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
