it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
