It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
