There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
