i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
