Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
