I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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