Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
