You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
