Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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