I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
