I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
