where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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