he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
