I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
