I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
