You work out of a Hotel?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
