census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
