My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
It was confusing and full of hummus
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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