I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
