you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
