she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
