Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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