there's paper in my vomit.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
