I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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