I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
