Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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