best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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