You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
