When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
