she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
