yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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