I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
