see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
