My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
