I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
