Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
