last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
