I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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