I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
