I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize