Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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