Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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