You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
