I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
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My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
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I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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