so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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