Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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