I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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