Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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