I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
