It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
