well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
