and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
