i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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