Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
