Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
