her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
