Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
