drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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