he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
