I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i just google imaged poop.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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