I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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