just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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