I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
