How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
