you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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