We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
