everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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