Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
